With recent events of economic stress and now in the aftermath of the earthquake and tsunami in Japan, I am finding that it is once again an important time for us to address our fears.
As a follow up to my last post (published 3/27) at makegirlfriends.com I am also reposting the article below that I originally wrote for the International Breathwork Foundation after the terrorist attacks on 9/11. I share it now because it includes some additional things about birth patterns I think are still helpful and relevant. I address similar and many additional birth issues that effect relationships in The Monogamy Challenge: Creating and Keeping Intimacy.
I do not share this to minimize the tragedies that do and have occurred. It does seem to me that things are unsettled for many of us in many areas. We need and deserve support and security. Part of that is up to us and we need to remember that we are big, strong, and capable people who have already made it and solved many problems.
To Our Rebirth,
Peter
Reflecting on the Terrorist Attack of September 11
By Peter Kane
Originally published in the International Breathwork Foundation Journal Winter 2001
I was shocked and horrified as I watched the replays of airplanes exploding as they flew into buildings. Virtually every American I know had a similar experience, as did many others from around the world. Many Americans spent a week glued to the television as our major networks interrupted regular programming for non-stop coverage of the Terrorist Attacks.
As the shock began to wear off I realized that the shock was deeper than I first realized. I noticed something similar with most of my friends and clients – we were all more affected than we were aware. This is one of my main premises as I go forward in recovery. I am reminded that this is one of the main tenants of all psycho-spiritual work: The past has affected us more than we consciously realize. Remembering this helps me go forward with greater sensitivity and awareness.
Before I continue I need to say that I feel humbled to be asked to speak about something so enormous. I feel that everything I have heard since September 11 is true. I find validity in the feelings and opinions on all sides of the issue. Here, in this article my task is much simpler than running a government. My goal is to share some of the basic things I have discovered with my clients and some of the insights that breathwork and immortalist philosophy can provide. I remind both the reader and myself that I am just one voice and these are just a few of my thoughts. I do not claim to speak for the United States or for all breathworkers within the U.S.
After shock, the next basic issue I have found to be somewhat universal is depression and increased death urge. This may be obvious but still a central point that is helpful to remember. I have always found that loss triggers previous losses. This is why I am a rebirther; my father’s death triggered my previous losses, one of which was my birth trauma. I feel the loss of September 11 was so big, visible, and graphic that it triggered depression and death urge at a deep level. Whether consciously aware of it or not, I have found many peoples response to be one of futility. It is as if people have been feeling “If this could happen, why bother”. Notice that this is almost identical to the basic reasons for teaching spiritual or physical immortality. By realizing that death is not real or inevitable, we can release the unconscious futility that we carry if we think that life is temporary. I haven’t known anyone where the death urge triggered on September 11 was strong enough to be obvious, but everyone I have worked with intimately has had some ways in which they were feeling depressed, discouraged, or less motivated to carry their life forward in a passionate way.
There is also plenty of talk of fear. In the anatomy of the death urge, fear, or the fear of death is one side of the issue. If life is temporary, or if death is inevitable, it creates an unconscious desire to get life over with and die (death urge), and it also gives birth to the fear of loss and the fear of death. My point here is that both the fear of death and the death urge are two sides of the same issue. While the fear side is an attempt to run away from death, it originates from the belief in death and it is therefore part of the death urge. Since fear comes from the belief in death, acting in fear also pulls us toward death and eventually fuels the depressed aspect of the death urge.
A solution, whether fear or depression, is to focus on our life urge, to choose life and commit to life. By understanding that the belief that life is temporary results in both the fear of death and the death urge, we can use our commitment to ourselves and to life to guide us through both the fearful and depressed issues. This brings us to a simple plan for recovery: Commit to yourself, your life, needs, relationships, and future. Choose life.
Before I talk about how I have been affirming and choosing life I would like to mention how I feel the attacks have brought up survivor guilt. I have seen two main ways that survivors have responded with guilt. I am uncertain if it is a “male thing”, but one simple and almost silly one is that every conscious man I have talked to has had fantasies of being on high jacked airplanes and fighting with terrorists and saving or crashing the airplane, similarly to how on September 11 the fourth aircraft was crashed due to passenger heroism. This is an aspect of how as survivors we feel guilty for being alive and powerless that we couldn’t do something to save others. I haven’t felt like I needed to do much with these feelings but to just let them run their course and encourage myself or my clients to be worthy and focus on our own lives.
The other issue of survivor guilt is that people seem to feel unworthy of fulfilling their own needs and accomplishing their own goals. This is a subtle issue that I have challenged quite a few clients on. It is as if people feel “who am I to need anything in the face of such real tragedy”. It is as if being aware of such a huge problem makes people feel unworthy of their simpler goals. This connects to my point about the death urge. When so much pain, is so real, it adds a depressive component where we lack motivation to carry on with our more mundane existence. It is hard to feel worthy of fulfilling the smaller therapeutic goals of increasing our love and money when so many have died. I have had many clients report that their inner critic has been very active in this internal dialogue by telling them that they shouldn’t focus on themselves when others have died and even by encourage them to quit therapy and pursue something that would be of more benefit to others. Here I have encouraged people to stay focused on the legitimacy of their own needs, and remember that they are important and that they deserve to fulfill their hearts desire. I also notice that this is similar to not reacting to the fear component of terrorism by stopping normal activity, which would have a negative impact on life or the economy.
One way all of this played out for me is that as the shock began to lift I was a little confused and depressed. I felt a lack of meaning in my life, even with clients and the bigger healing issues I have the privilege of witnessing. I was having a hard time with the little things in life like phone calls and housework. About six days after the attacks I realized I was feeling these issues about shock, depression, death urge, fear and survivor guilt, and I went out and bought 93 plants for a landscaping project. It felt odd and almost trivial and at the same time I felt that planting these plants helped me to focus on the heart of the matter – life. I felt it was the ideal time to be connected to the earth, plant roots, create more oxygen, and also create a privacy boundary around my back lawn. I invested in something small for my nest. I expressed my life urge.
I have since also done the little things pretty well, especially with my kids. I have invested in my family and been more present.
This is also an important time to remember the death urges impact on relationships. Basically the death urge can create separation and it can also create increased dependency. Separation can increase due to feeling that if loss is inevitable “let’s get it over with and break up now”. Increased dependency is the other extreme. The fear component of the death urge can result in people feeling that they need a relationship to be okay.
Another one of the top issues I have seen expressed in the aftermath of this tragedy is control issues. I feel that the political rhetoric, both from those in favor of military retaliation and those in favor of peace, is often laden with unidentified control issues. I have felt this both from the words of our conservative president (whom I never have liked), and also from the enlightened peace seeking E-Mails I have received from friends. Basically, I still feel and see a lot of fear being expressed and that the fear takes the form of the desire to control others, or control the outcome.
This point brings me back to spiritual immortality. I feel the real solution is to surrender and trust. I feel that my most important step for myself, for those I love, and for the world is to accept that I can’t control life, and more importantly that I don’t need to control life because death does not exist. This does not mean that I am expressing depression or death urge, or that I discourage political action. I can still be committed and passionate, but without acting in fear by trying to control others or the outcome. It is a funny paradox that true-life urge, has within it the surrender and acceptance of death. This acceptance comes from knowing that since death does not exist, if it were to occur, life would still be okay. Spiritual immortality is the only true safety.
Clearly this is a beginning of a new time and there will be changes in our lives, but it is also a time where remembering basic values like truth, health, integrity, and love can be helpful. Remembering to focus on life and my life urge and committing to my future has also been important. Many of the more spiritual ideas I have heard in response to this tragedy are similar to this. This can be an opportunity for us to create greater connection and collaboration. I pray that we overcome this tragedy just as I pray that we each resolve our own inner life and death struggles and our lives continue to accelerate to every increasing joy, love, and peace.
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