Peter Kane – Relationship Theorist and author "The Monogamy Challenge"

Honoring the Sacred: Developing the Divine Feminine and Masculine

The Monogamy ChallengeI increasingly hear talk about Sacred Relationships or Divine Feminine/Masculine aspects of self, what they need, and what they need from the other. What does it mean to be firmly grounded in our sacred inner feminine and/or masculine? And, what do these selves or energies need from those whom we seek to share intimate relationships with? Perhaps more importantly, how can we best support ourselves with our inner feminine and our inner masculine selves as we connect with another?

I have sat with my plan to write this blog for some time now. I have noticed that this is a worthy topic for a book and that I would also be able to place nearly all of the teachings I value most within this query. The Monogamy Challenge could have been written within the context of honoring the sacred or divine masculine and feminine. The topics I address around healing family traditions, self-soothing, my desire model, Fantasy Bonding, and Sacred Sexuality, all address our healing from a feminine and masculine perspective.

Sometimes the words Sacred and Divine can feel overly general. They can be code words for special, highest and best. What does it really mean if a heterosexual woman says: “I need to feel honored by the sacred masculine and I also need to develop the sacred masculine within myself in order to attract that?” This could be a platitude or a way to make the words “I need more.., I need better…, and I deserve the best…” sound more enlightened.

So, while I think the primary benefit of this query is to address some of our deeper needs, I also think it serves to expand our thinking about our worth. Sacred and divine are lofty ideals. These words can remind us of being worthy of the best, and inspire us to reach high and do our best.

This also continues my discussion about needs and what we need that I have been intending to share here on my blog as I write my second book, which is in part about creating nurturing relationships.

Next, I noticed that this can feel like a gender biased approach because it infers that masculine and feminine are different and have different needs. My position on this has long been that there are pros and cons to this. I think it is important to not imply “men are this way and women are that way.” It can be helpful to question that sometimes there are tendencies inherent to masculine and feminine energy. But sometimes a man holds more of an energy that we may have ascribed to the feminine and vise versa. If we keep this in mind, I think that we can have helpful vocabulary with less gender bias. I think this is where my desire to write this blog comes in. I think that people are increasingly exploring the roles of masculine and feminine energy in their inner world as well as within their relationships with others both male and female.

Now lets ask the question: What does the (divine or sacred) feminine need from the (divine or sacred) masculine? And vise versa?

Does the feminine need to be loved and supported by a more structural energy that we are describing when we say masculine? Does the masculine need to be appreciated by a nurturing energy we are describing when we say feminine? Do you notice the connection between this and self-soothing and that this describes aspects of how we care for ourselves? And, to what degree is it human or healthy for us to seek this support in others?

It will be helpful if we understand and remember that we are recovering from the sins of our fathers and mothers. We are recovering from patriarchal abuse and the abuse that has sometimes occurred as we reacted to, or compensated from abuse. We still need to be sensitive to this as we interact as men and women. Does it help you reach high and do your best if you remember that you and another have sacred and divine needs? What are those needs? Is there an essential masculine or feminine that we would benefit from if it were restored to its real essence?

I know we all need to be loved and supported, and to feel that we belong. Thus some of the harder work is in letting go of criticism and building acknowledgement. For now, I will conclude this: The path of sacredness means that we do not criticize our beloveds for not being or doing what we feel would be optimal, but we instead embrace them as being whole as they are, and that they are living their right purpose. In doing so, we accept that they are beautifully navigating and evolving the life they were given.

Love, Peter

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