Services: Counseling, Coaching, Breathwork and Voice Dialogue with Peter Kane

Sometimes this comes in the form of feedback or insight I offer about what is going on with you, or helping you feel things at a deeper level. I may also validate or affirm what you’re expressing, to help you expand, reiterate, or give voice to it.

Having a counselor is unlike any other relationship. It is likely the only relationship in your life where you will focus solely on yourself. Other relationships are supposed to have equal give and take, which can open us to old habits of co-dependency or focusing more on others. One valuable benefit of counseling is that we learn to focus on ourselves. The goal of counseling can be thought of as learning to have greater intimacy with yourself. A counselor can be thought of as an advocate., one who assists you in knowing and understanding what is going on in your life, and helping you to embrace and accept the validity and innocence of our perspective.

I employ multiple lens and models including:

• Family patterns and family systems theories
• Pre- and perinatal psychology: understanding and resolving the effects of their own birth on their life and relationships helps clients go deeper than just working with childhood issues.
• Psychology-of-selves: working with sub-personalities or selves offers a way to resolve individual and relationship conflicts.
• Creating healthy communication: communicate constructively and let go of defensive communication patterns that escalate conflicts.
• A purpose of life is healing: By resolving relationship issues individuals are not just creating increased health and prosperity, they are creating a truly meaningful life that embraces life lessons while manifesting abundance.

Initially, opposites attract and a couple is attracted to each other’s differences. Later when the “honeymoon” is over, the differences become a source of stress or conflict and may trigger old issues. When dealing with issues, people tend to communicate critically or contemptuously and their partner tends to respond with defensiveness or by withdrawing. Sometimes the “honeymoon” lasts years, and sometimes only months, but eventually every partnership will likely trigger old issues and differences. These are likely to create additional problems in the area of communication where defensiveness and criticism flows back in fourth in an escalating fashion.

By the time most couples seek counseling, they feel that their main problem is communication. If this is the case, a first step is to create more effective communication and learn to let go of being critical, contemptuous, defensive, or withdrawn. Any stress or fear can result in people being critical. If you feel criticized you may defend yourself by attacking or being critical in return. Your vulnerabilities can make you feel defensive when you are not actually being criticized. For some couples, just getting help in this area fulfills their goals. For others, this is just a starting point, because to resolve their communication issues they need to address what fuels them. It is also normal for couples to need help with money, sexuality, time, work, play, children, domestic roles, and more.

Our partner will likely trigger old wounds and unresolved issues from our past. It is as if our differences and the poor communication about them combine, and our partner becomes a walking trigger of our past. In simple terms this means that most couples have three big areas to focus on: communication, present concerns like money and sexuality, and the past issues that are getting in the way. Ideally a couple will be able to address these together. It takes good communication to explain to our partner what is really going on for us and it takes good listening skills to hear them without getting defensive. It is also valuable to go beyond the sphere of communication and address the deeper wounds. It is easier to express and listen when we are aware of what our triggers are. Not all couples need to pay the same amount of attention to the past issues but it helps to see all of these layers.

I view the major past issues as stemming from our birth, family, and society. It is not just our family history that is important. Sometimes it is more helpful to look at the circumstances of our birth experience because our major negative beliefs about ourselves originated there, and it can be a less complicated point in time to see our wounds and relationship conflicts. Understanding our beliefs about ourselves, and how they stem from our birth and family experience gives us a very powerful way to understand and resolve what the real triggers are.

Differences and conflicts can also be a source of inspiration. The process of relationship forces us to bump up against many old unresolved issues and heal them. It may not always be comfortable, but it is a deep and meaningful aspect of the metaphysics of relationship. We are attracted to our opposite and this becomes a healing process. In the beginning we receive their differences and become more whole and feel the euphoria of love. Later when stress has entered the picture, and we become more critical of our partner, they are serving us by bringing us to terms with our old issues. Relationships can be seen as a form of networking where we connect with someone who is different, and in doing so we learn acceptance. We are embracing the whole of life and not just our own personal preferences. As we accept our partner we learn to accept ourselves on a deeper level.

Each individual will likely have tendencies or preferences that would make them prefer to define their sessions as one or the other. That said Peter also offers work that is intentionally more focused on the coaching process. This work has a wide range of purposes and can be done in person or via the telephone.

Coaching is an ongoing relationship in which Peter provides structure, tools, resources, support, and feedback to help the client take action towards personal growth or the realization of goals. Coaching uses a process of inquiry and discovery to build the client’s sense of awareness and personal responsibility. Coaching is more action and activity based than counseling. By focusing on your purpose, resolving obstacles, and aligning your actions with your goals you can fulfill you desired results.

Whether it is for your business, career or personal life, coaching can:

• Help you connect with your purpose and vision in life
• Support you in actualizing that vision into goals
• Focus those goals into actions
• Take responsibility for your results
• Help resolve obstacles
• Continue to live your vision

Coaching can be done one session at a time or be arranged as a package of sessions.

See Counseling and Coaching Similarities.

By learning to breathe consciously and fully, we discover and release the core issues now held in our mind and emotions. Breathwork’s contributions to psychology and personal growth include helping us to understand the effects our birth has had on individual self-esteem, relationships and family dynamics, as well as more specific issues like the addictive process and abuse.

Expanded essay on breathwork ››

Voice Dialogue was created by Hal and Sidra Stone. It is used by many counselors and psychotherapists to accomplish a variety of personal growth results. In Voice Dialogue, issues are distilled down to the parts or sub-personalities that are operating (or not operating) in your life and relationships. Sessions include dialoguing with sub-personalities one at a time from the position in the room where the part feels most comfortable. The result is a clear and profound connection to the part and its purpose and perfection. By listening to sub-personalities the strength of their role becomes clear and we become able to use them optimally and without resistance. Understanding which sub-personalities are dominant or underdeveloped within us creates powerful answers to the difficult question of what is really creating our life and relationships to be the way they are.

Expanded essay on Voice Dialogue