Peter Kane – Relationship Theorist and author "The Monogamy Challenge"

Services: Counseling, Coaching, Breathwork and Voice Dialogue

Peter Kane: counseling, coaching, breathwork

Peter supports people in nearly all aspects of life and relationships. Two primary purposes of his work are learning to be present and learning to have greater intimacy. This means being present and intimate with both ourselves and with others.

His focus is client centered, in that it explores what is central to the client. His approach is also holistic, because it addresses mind, body, spirit, and emotions. Peter’s work with clients often explores relationship patterns and how people react to each other. This includes resolving family of origin and (your own) birth issues, understanding how unconscious beliefs interface in relationships, healing shame and guilt, increasing self-esteem, developing healthy communication, and increasing spiritual connection.


Counseling is always different because it is based on the individuals needs. While Peter offers guidance, the client leads and Peter follows, to help the client gain deeper clarity. Peter helps you hear and feel the deeper levels of the issues in your life.

Sometimes this includes Peter’s feedback or insight about what is going on, or his helping you to feel things in greater detail. It could also include Peter helping to validate or affirm what you’re expressing by helping you expand, reiterate or voice it. Having a counselor is unlike any other relationship. It is likely the only relationship in our life where we focus solely on ourselves. Our other relationships are supposed to have equal give and take and this opens us to our old habits of co-dependency or focusing more on others. One great purpose of counseling is to learn to focus on ourselves. The goal of counseling could be thought of as learning to have greater intimacy with yourself A counselor can also be thought of as an advocate. It is very powerful to allow ourself to have an advocate that assists us in knowing and understanding what is going on in our life as well as to embrace and accept the validity and innocence of our perspective.

Peter employs multiple lens and models including:

  • Family patterns and family systems theories
  • Pre- and perinatal psychology: understanding and resolving the effects of their own birth on their life and relationships helps clients go deeper than just working with childhood issues.
  • Psychology-of-selves: working with sub-personalities or selves offers a way to resolve individual and relationship conflicts.
  • Creating healthy communication: communicate constructively and let go of defensive communication patterns that escalate conflicts.
  • A purpose of life is healing: By resolving relationship issues individuals are not just creating increased health and prosperity, they are creating a truly meaningful life that embraces life lessons while manifesting abundance.

Couples Counseling

Couples counseling is even more varied that individual counseling because there are two different identities and sets of needs interacting. Peter’s approach will vary greatly depending on the couple and their needs or goals.

Initially, opposites attract and a couple is attracted to each other’s differences. Later when the “honeymoon” is over the differences become a source of stress or conflict and tend to trigger old issues. When dealing with their issues people tend to communicate critically or contemptuously and their partner tends to respond with defensiveness or by withdrawing. Sometimes the “honeymoon” lasts years and others only months, but eventually every partnership will likely trigger old issues and differences. These are likely to create additional problems in the area of communication where defensiveness and criticism flows back in fourth in an escalating fashion.

By the time most couples seek counseling they feel that their main problem is communication. If this is the case a first step in counseling is to create more effective communication and learn to let go of being critical, contemptuous, defensive or withdrawn. Any stress or fear can result in people being critical. If you feel criticized you may defend yourself by attacking or being critical in return. Your vulnerabilities can make you feel defensive when you are not actually being criticized. For some couples, just getting help in this area fulfills their goals. For others, this is just a starting point because to resolve their communication issues they need to address what fuels them. It is also normal for couples to need help with present time differences with money, sexuality, time, work, play, children, domestic roles and more.

Another important topic is that our partner will likely trigger old wounds and unresolved issues from our past. It is as if our differences and the poor communication about them combine, and our partner becomes a walking trigger of our past. In simple terms this means that most couples have three big areas to focus on: communication, present concerns like money and sexuality, and the past issues that are getting in the way. Ideally a couple will be able to address these together. It takes good communication to explain to our partner what is really going on for us and it takes good listening skills to hear them without getting defensive. It is also valuable to go beyond the sphere of communication and address the deeper wounds. It is easier to express and listen when we are aware of what our triggers are. Not all couples need to pay the same amount of attention to the past issues but it helps to see all of these layers.

Peter views the major past issues as stemming from our birth, family, and society. It is not just our family history that is important. Sometimes it is more helpful to look at the circumstances of our own birth experience because our major negative beliefs about ourselves originated there, and it can be a less complicated point in time to see our wounds and relationship conflicts. Understanding our beliefs about ourselves, and how they stem from our birth and family experience gives us a very powerful way to understand and resolve what the real triggers are.

Differences and conflicts can also be a source of inspiration. The process of relationship forces us to bump up against many old unresolved issues and heal them. It may not always be comfortable but it is a deep and meaningful aspect of the metaphysics of relationship. We are attracted to our opposite and this becomes a healing process. In the beginning we receive their differences and become more whole and feel the euphoria of love. Later when stress has entered the picture and we become more critical of our partner, they are serving us by bringing us to terms with our old issues. Relationships can be seen as a form of networking where we connect with someone who is different and in doing so we learn acceptance. We are embracing the whole of life and not just our own personal preferences. As we accept our partner we learn to accept ourselves on a deeper level.


Counseling and coaching have a lot in common. Counseling often includes aspects we might prefer to call coaching, and coaching will often include approaches we might associate with counseling. Peter views this as a blend of qualities. It actually makes little difference what we call our sessions.

Each individual will likely have tendencies or preferences that would make them prefer to define their sessions as one or the other. That said Peter also offers work that is intentionally more focused on the coaching process. This work has a wide range of purposes and can be done in person or via the telephone.

Coaching is an ongoing relationship in which Peter provides structure, tools, resources, support, and feedback to help the client take action towards personal growth or the realization of goals. Coaching uses a process of inquiry and discovery to build the client’s sense of awareness and personal responsibility. Coaching is more action and activity based than counseling. By focusing on your purpose, resolving obstacles, and aligning your actions with your goals you can fulfill you desired results.

Whether it is for your business, career or personal life, coaching can:

  • Help you connect with your purpose and vision in life
  • Support you in actualizing that vision into goals
  • Focus those goals into actions
  • Take responsibility for your results
  • Help resolve obstacles
  • Continue to live your vision

Coaching can be done one session at a time or be arranged as a package of sessions.

See Counseling and Coaching Similarities.


Breathwork is a process that increases our ability to feel and resolve the effects of our past. It involves breathing in a full, free manner guided by a trained breathworker. The result is an increase in the level of physical and spiritual energy in our body, thus cleansing the many tensions held there.

By learning to breathe consciously and fully, we discover and release the core issues now held in our mind and emotions. Breathwork’s contributions to psychology and personal growth include helping us to understand the effects our birth has had on individual self-esteem, relationships and family dynamics, as well as more specific issues like the addictive process and abuse.

Expanded essay on breathwork ››

Voice Dialogue

Voice Dialogue is a communication tool that creates profound shifts in relationships. If helps us understand and change our reactions to each other. It also helps us resolve our shadow and become more whole in the ways we work and play in the world. Voice Dialogue is at the forefront of the work Peter does with the Inner Child.

It was created by Hal and Sidra Stone and is used by many counselors and psychotherapists to accomplish a wide variety of personal growth results. In Voice Dialogue, issues are distilled down to the parts or sub-personalities that are operating (or not operating) in your life or relationships. Sessions include dialoguing with sub-personalities one at a time from the position in the room where the part feels most comfortable. The result is a clear and profound connection to the part and its purpose and perfection. By listening to sub-personalities the strength of their role becomes clear and we become able to use them optimally and without resistance. Understanding which sub-personalities are dominant or underdeveloped within us creates powerful answers to the difficult question of what is really creating our life and relationships to be the way they are.

Expanded essay on Voice Dialogue

Fees: Counseling fees are on a sliding scale from $100 to $135 per hour, while breathwork is $150 for a two hour session. Fees are reimbursed by most insurance.

Working with Peter if you from are out-of-town: Peter is also available for intensive work with individuals and couples from out of town. Some travelers may do sessions daily or every other day for a week or more.


Peter Kane - Counselor • Coach • Relationship Theorist | 425-802-2050
7981 168th Ave. NE. Suite 124, Redmond WA 98052 | Directions ››

©2000–2017 by Peter Kane. All rights reserved. Content may not be reproduced or reprinted without the explicit, written permission of Peter Kane. Website design and development by Studio Perspectives.