Have you ever had a blind date? That’s what internet dating is, a self arranged blind date. Do people still have blind dates? In either case, coffee seems to be the agreed norm for a first meeting. The simplicity of coffee helps you get a first impression without spending unnecessary time and effort. Personally, it has been important to me to express care and interest by offering a woman more “real date” choices and like “Coffee, Lunch, or Dinner.” She can then decide how simple of a meeting she would like.
In my experience of online searching (internet dating) this kind of chivalry has also resulted in some awkward moments, like the time I was sitting in a restaurant window waiting to have brunch with a woman who I had yet to meet. I saw a woman who looked similar but about 15 years older and 30 pounds heavier parking outside the window. I slowly realized it was probably my date and I considered escaping out the back door of the restaurant. I remained, and did my best to respectfully share and pay for a nice brunch with a divine soul.
So yes, there is nothing wrong with a simple amount of communication and a simple coffee. I have even heard of a rather extreme ground rule which suggested only a 20 minute coffee, followed by a mandatory 3 day waiting period before following up to see if a real date is mutually desired. Now that’s one way to get your “people pleaser” out of the equation!
When You Meet
Try not to interview (or be interviewed). Keep the name, rank, and cereal number, questions and statements to a minimum at first. Avoid sounding like you are trying to learn about their relationship difficulties, how crazy, or how prosperous they are. Instead, communicate more organically and have conversations involving life, interests, activities and feelings. This will include learning things about them, but don’t ask too many questions. It is better to be interested in depth about a few things than get a superficial picture of their entire life. Also, if you are talking about each other’s experience on Match.com at a first meeting it is a sign that you are not connecting. You can figure out if they have been online dating for over 10 years later, that is, if you see them again!
How Many People?
Create the space to get to know someone. It is not really possible to get to know more than three people at a time. I have heard it said that you should communicate with no more than three people at a time for the purpose of dating one. I think this means try not to write and or schedule meetings with more than three people at a time (or during a given week). So, if you need a spreadsheet to remember people, you are probably talking to too many. And no notepads! Treat people like real people and you will be more apt to attract honest and real people.
What makes a first meeting work best for you? Have you ever speed dated? How much do you like to talk/write before meeting and why? I would love to hear your thoughts. I will be continuing with part IV of this series soon.
To Courage, Trust and Patience,
Peter
Leave a Reply